How Singing and Songwriting Changed My Life

In 2013 I was forty-four years old and struggling to find enjoyment in life. Nothing had prepared me for grief I felt after my mother died in March, 2011. For two years, I tried all kinds of things: exercise, therapy, meditation, talking about it, not talking about it. Nothing worked.

I was on a plane heading home to New York after a business trip to California. I noticed the clear blue skies and spectacular views, and I knew it was a moment I should have enjoyed. But I felt nothing.

So I reached for pen and paper, and began to search for words. I wrote a short, simple poem about how the blue sky seemed gray, how my mother was gone, and her ashes were scattered in the sea. Later that night, I added some guitar chords and made a recording into my smartphone. I handed my wife the headphones, pressed play, and watched as tears rolled down her cheeks.

My song--the first I had ever written--had reached her. A few close friends reacted the same way. By writing and singing that song, and having others listen and respond to it, I had found the beginning of a way through grief and towards embracing and cherishing life again.

That's me (left) with my brother Rob and my mother, Elly, in 1970. We returned to this beach in Bridgehampton to scatter her remains in 2013.

Looking back, none of this should have been hard to imagine. For more than ten years, I have been volunteering on the board of The Possibility Project, a non-profit organization that uses writing, music, and performing arts as vehicles to empower teenagers to overcome their most difficult challenges. I have been talking about the therapeutic value of artistic expression for a long time. And when I needed it most, the idea finally hit me that I should apply these lessons in my own life.

Once I decided to record a couple of songs, the project started to build momentum. I reached out for help from friends and family, and from The Possibility Project staff. The core of every song is just me singing and playing acoustic guitar. But with the help of some very talented friends and professionals, these simple songs were transformed into something new, something deeper and more inspiring.

I worked on the album for over a year, and I think the result is unique and special. I am really proud of these songs. More importantly, they led me back to a place where I can spend a day on the beach, thinking about my mother's ashes, but also basking in the sun, splashing in the waves, and feeling lucky to be alive.

I hope you will consider downloading my little album. It is available for free streaming here on this site, as well as on Soundcloud, and is available for purchase on CDBaby, iTunes and Amazon.